In the early-to-mid '90s a whole spate of American actors began doing commercials in Japan. Arnold Schwarzenegger was one of the most popular and prolific Japanese commercial actors. The following is the recently discovered journal Arnold kept while filming the below commercial:

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Day One
I am so jet-lagged from the long flight. I drank four of the mini bottles of Jack Daniels during the flight, but they did nothing to ease my pain. I am currently in the shithouse with Maria because I told her Jackie O had a nicer ass than her. Even though it is true, she made me sleep on our over-sized leather couch last night.

My first impression of the Kirin Kirin Cola people is a positive one. One thing is for certain about them: they do not lack discipline! Everywhere I look I see the straightest posture and the tightest little tooshies. I am impressed with their fitness. I bet every one of these little people could do at least five push-ups.

Day Two
A limousine came to pick me up at the hotel to take me to the Cola offices. My interpreter was late showing up and I had to fend for myself. I asked the limo driver my standard ice breaker, "Who is your daddy and what does he do?" He looked confused, so I pointed to my barrel chest and said, "Who is my daddy and what does he do?" I then answered my own question by saying, "My daddy is Gustav and he was a 'brown shirt' in the Nazi party." The limo driver laughed and flashed me the peace sign. I gave up on conversating with him, and instead stretched out in the back and caught up on my z's.

Upon arrival, a horde of short, dark haired people began to swarm around me. I felt like I was being nuzzled by a mass of little spiders. I had an image of their fit little hands lofting me above their heads and carrying me to the top of the enormous building they came out of.

Then my interpreter showed up and exacted discipline. I was impressed with her until she tried to pronounce my name. It came out a garbled mess of A's, S's, R's, and Z's. I found it very funny and laughed heartily.

I then met with the director of the commercial. He showed me the set and I was impressed with the intensity of the colors.

It reminded me of the time I was in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, on the set of "Predator" with Carl Weathers. The cast had just finished eating lemon chicken and many of us had left meat on the bones. This sent Carl into a tizzy. He gathered the bones and told us that he would be making stew, and chided us for using so much of our per diem. Carl made an amazing stew that night, but it was the funny little piece of paper with Mickey Mouse on it that really blew my mind. I asked Carl about it, but all he said was, "If you ain't ready to eat paper, then you ain't ready for this!" I was ready to eat paper, but was unprepared when the walls around me began to melt and colors bled into each other. I spent four hours that night lying on the ground, convinced that Carl Weathers had a beak. But anyway, the director told me that I would be meeting with a dialogue coach the next day to go over my lines. I shook his hand and my interpreter and I went back to the hotel.

Day Three
I met early in the morning with the dialogue coach. She assisted me in saying "Gako yaki" and "Buoy Buoy." I told her that if I can win the Mr. Universe title 3 years in a row, I can certainly say two phrases. She gave me a high five. I chortled to myself and sipped more of the Sapporo that was on hand. Then it was time for filming.

The commercial is very strange. I am walking in a forest with a woman in red. I say "Gako yaki!" and then two little men jump out at us. I run to a bathroom, pull some cola out of my suit, and then am transformed into a flying pinball machine. I've done commercials for them before so I know better than to ask the meaning. I hit all my marks and we were done in about 6 hours. Everyone was bowing and clapping for me after each take and I was very happy. I must remember to film more commercials with this company.

Day Four
I woke up and did 100 sit-ups and then 100 push-ups. I must stay diligent in my pursuit of excellence. Maria faxed over a script for a movie called "End of Days" earlier this morning. I went through it and highlighted all my favorite lines. I am always on the lookout for amazing one-liners like the ones Jim writes. I was particularly impressed with, "Between my glock and your faith, I take my glock."

"Garfield : Caught in the Act" was on television and I was transfixed by it. As a young man I enjoyed this fat cat, but to hear him speak in Japanese is beyond ecstasy. I laughed merrily at little Odie. I must remember to buy a pooch like him when I return home.

Day Five
My week with the Kirin Kirin Cola people is coming to a close. They gave me a case of cola and a million dollar check.

The same limo driver picked me up, and again flashed me the peace sign. I again slept during the drive. Upon waking I gathered my bags, shouldered them on my arm, put on my black sunglasses and said to the driver, "I'll be back."